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It feels like something is changing. Like there's been a shift from somewhere deep inside me, despite not knowing how or where it's coming from.

So I surrendered to intuitive eating again. And in the beginning it always feels fantastic. I immediately feel less frantic around food. I relax. I live. I feel some peace and sometimes even manic joy. But then things begin to unfold in a way that has become predictable...

I’m reading some old-school Geneen Roth, and I'm realizing I don't know how to live without the drama. I've been playing out this food and body drama on the stage of my life since I was 13 years old.

Something really powerful is still blocking me. Something is standing in the way of really basic and consistent self-care. There's a fear. Something that rises up from within, whenever I even consider moving in the direction of taking better care of myself.

Sometimes I think I'm manic depressive. Like, I'm not... But sometimes it feels like I am. And sometimes I think maybe that's normal. Maybe we're all like that. But we just don't talk about it. We pretend like we're all good.

I'm feeling on top of the world this week. I know these weeks. They creep in unexpectedly and they feed me lies about how great the rest of my life is going to be. I know the truth. I know that this feeling doesn't last. But I'm riding the high right now. And I feel like a hypocrite.